How Not to Die Alone by Richard Roper
Author:Richard Roper
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2019-05-27T16:00:00+00:00
— CHAPTER 16 —
To Andrew’s dismay, the trip was nearly scuppered before they’d even booked train tickets.
Cameron, for reasons that were unclear, had taken to getting people’s attention by whistling at them. At first it had been a sharp, enthusiastic toot. But recently, in parallel with his mood, the whistle had become a low, melancholy sound, like a farmer instructing his sheepdog on its last outing before it was to be put down.
It was by this method that Andrew was beckoned into Cameron’s office. There were folders and documents all over the place, and he had to gather a bunch of them up and move them off a chair so he had somewhere to sit. Distressingly, Andrew realized the office had started to resemble a room he might usually find himself searching through with surgical gloves and a litter picker.
“Rightio then, Drew,” Cameron said. “This holiday you’ve booked. In future please check with the others in the team about timings because Peggy’s away at the same time and that’s just not ideal. Please just be a bit more nimble about things, okay? It’s so easy to cascade this sort of thing.”
“Ah right, yes,” Andrew said. He and Peggy hadn’t deliberately concealed the fact they were going away together, but Andrew couldn’t help but enjoy how illicit that seemed to make it. He realized that Cameron was looking at him expectantly.
“I’ll check next time,” he said quickly.
“Good. Thanks,” Cameron said.
Andrew hoped that was going to be the end of it, but the next day he was at his desk when he heard raised voices coming from Cameron’s office. “It’s just absolutely outrageous,” Meredith was saying, with typical understatement. “I’m sorry, literally the last thing I like doing is complaining, but you can’t just turn around to me and say I can’t take holiday when I want to, that’s against my rights. I don’t see why Andrew and Peggy can just swan off at the same time and I can’t. It’s ludicrous. It’s completely unfair.”
Cameron followed her out, wringing his hands with an alarmingly tight-looking grip.
“As I have told you, Meredith,” he said, his voice ominously quiet, “you can take a holiday. I have just asked you not to go away the one week Peggy and Andrew are.”
“Well how was I supposed to know when they were away? I’m not Mystic Meg, am I?”
“You’re supposed to plan in advance and look at the log,” Cameron said.
“What?”
“THE LOG! THE FUCKING LOG!”
Cameron covered his mouth with his hands, seemingly more shocked than anyone about his outburst. It was at that point that Keith wandered into the office, humming something a semitone out of tune and brandishing a heart attack between two slices of bread. He looked at them in turn and took a massive bite, ketchup dripping onto his chin.
“What have I missed?” he said.
Andrew got to his feet. He had to act quickly so the trip wasn’t endangered. “Look, I think what Cameron was trying to say, Meredith, is that we just need to make sure this log .
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Dark Humor | Humorous |
Satire |
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